masculinity Archives

There is this feminist notion that masculinity is a basket of “good” and “bad” characteristics that men can pick and choose from. The pleasant qualities are things like provision of food, provision of funds, providing a home, duty, honor and procreation. The “bad” or distasteful characteristics are things like intense strength, lust, violence and furious indignation.

The project of radical feminism has been to convince men, and women alike, that men must rid themselves of all the distasteful qualities and characteristics of their nature. If they don’t, they threaten, the “toxic male” will no longer find acceptance in the feminized world in which we now live. The term for this is emasculation.

And yet, you cannot cherry-pick the parts of masculinity that you are happy with. Just as an engineer cannot keep the abutments and dispense with the footings of a wall, bridge or building, the man is the totality of strength and weakness built in perfect tension and relationship to each other. The man is much like a high tension bridge. You cannot have the strengths without the foundation spanning the weak points.

In every textbook or class on biology, the male and female of a species are dramatically different and can never be expected to act, interact or look similarly. But, ask any woman and the majority will tell you that men are looked at from the female mind as a hairy, misbehaving woman.

When a man seeks to rid himself of the “nasty parts,” pointed out and perceived as “bad” by the female, the bridge collapses. You cannot bridge an ocean without tension, without a mass of steel suspended in configurations of terrifying force and power, that steel welded together with white hot heat and molten flux.

The solution is not to rid yourself or conform. It is to admit, acknowledge and own every aspect of your gender, no matter how ugly, volatile or untidy it may appear to the opposite sex.

Man is messy. He always has been. Try to bury that fact and your gender will bury you.

Denying the mess is a recipe for repression, misery, malaise, fatigue and heart disease.

Make no mistake, when you go off script and embrace the mess, you will feel, and appear, dangerous.

Feminism will treat your masculinity like a loaded gun because unapologetic fully-embraced masculinity IS a loaded gun. You are dangerous. That’s what it means to be a man.

Uncocking the hammer does nothing but emasculate you, and render you a useless tool, a dull blade, to your family and the world at large.

The lie is that you can get rid of the “nasty bits” and retain your masculine power. In truth, you have two choices.

Be dangerous, yet well disciplined
Scale yourself down to a cap gun . . . shooting blanks.

Be warned, the second choice sounds great, and actually is initially pleasant to the females in your life, but it leads to depression and the modern male malaise.

Chose wisely.

If you’re reading this, trying make a choice barraged by voices on all sides . . . If your reaching has reached its limit . . . If all the tendons of your soul are straining to hold it together, feeling like their about to snap . . . You’re not alone, my friend.

I can’t fix it for you, same as you can’t fix it for me. However, I can at least assure you that you’re no stranger to me . . . That your fears are my fears, your longings are identical to my own.

I see you not as some washed-up, broken down grizzly bear, but as one of our finest. An honorable, noble, disciplined dangerous man yet in the fight, nose split, teeth broken . . . Spitting dust and blood for the hundredth time . . . Swaying in his boots, but still standing.

There is hope. Read about it here.

Much love always,

DocMuscles

(Adapted from Bryan Ward’s Third Way Man)

When you were a boy, much like me, you likely dreamed of the day you would be a king. You dreamed of the day you would marry a beautiful maiden, have children, own lands . . . You dreamed of the day you would be loved, feared, and venerated.

You saw the way of the king, and you knew in your belly that this was your call:

To build the kingdom that you dreamed about
To live a life of benevolent power
To be admired, respected and beloved.

But somewhere along the way, the dream was corrupted. For we saw that kings can be craven.

We saw that some kings can be cruel.

And when the queens of the land bristled in unison . . . men, seeking to appease them, broke their scepters over their knees. And, men, the world over, resolved not to be king, but to be a second queen. They resorted to work in cheerful cooperation as a second wife, without the danger or the terror that lives within the man, that husband king.

Thus, the path of misery for man, and wife alike, was paved. . . the emasculated king, living his life as a second queen. Yet, man was never meant to take a wife and father children only to relinquish his God given dominion to become the “second queen.”

You and I, we come to marriage and family for kingship:

To provide safety and shelter for your queen and her cubs
To ravish the queen and see the animal heat in her eyes
To live in glory and honor
And when called upon, to willingly go heart-in-mouth into the fray

You may not have servants or lands or chests of gold. But, if you have a wife, if you have children, if you have an audience to serve . . . you have everything required for true, abiding kingship.

For a king is king not by the command he claims for himself or the fealty others pay him. He is king by pressing and wielding his dangerous power to the noble service of others in the creation of value and honor.

Kingship is the exercise of dangerous magic nobly. It is an exercise in unconditional love applied. Through force of will and force of imagination, you make your visions manifest.

Kingdoms are not won, they are not granted, they are not inherited . . . Kingdoms are CREATED.

Do not wait for your wife to become the queen. Do not wait, grumbling, for her to adulate or serve you. The principle buried by the softened souls of this civilization, by generations of absentee fathers, by generations of fatherless homes, by generations of men without their scepters is this . . .

It is the KING that makes the queen, not the other way around.

You stare foggy and angry at the hole in your drywall, at the un-replaced light bulbs, at the broken fence in the yard . . . at the mind-numbing banality all around you. Yet you want to feel alive again . . . deeply, lastingly, the way you dreamed as a young boy that you would feel when you became king.

That feeling doesn’t come from a manicured yard, a check in the mail, or even from some bestowed title from an Ivy League tower. It comes from indwelling and OWNING the role you’ve already won. You “have” a family, but it will not glow until your breathe everything you have into it . . . until you animate it with all your might and mind and heart and lungs.

Why are you waiting for some outside appointment? Rise up. Stand up. Throw out the box of cereal. Give the macaroni to the neighbor. Eat the bacon, fire up the smoker. Take on that task that’s been gnawing at you for months.

Create your kingship NOW. Do it TODAY: one kiss, one meal, one light bulb, one filled hole-in-the-drywall, one meal, one poem-in-the-lunchbox at a time. Stop sitting there braiding each other’s hair.

BE THE DAMN KING because the queen is already taken. Whether or not she returns that love does not matter. It is the act of loving her that actually fires you, it is not the reciprocation. Any love or adoration she returns is immaterial. The essential magic has already happened inside you. The fire has already been lit.

“Why would I kiss that mouth?” you say. “Why would I gaze into those cold, bitter eyes? How could I treat as queen this woman who sneers and scorns so unbearably?”

And that, there, is the double-bind that has been holding your very kingship, holding your marriage captive. This love, this respect, this adoration you long for her to give to you . . .

It is not hers to give, but for YOU TO CREATE within her.

You see, it is the KING that molds the maiden into the queen, into her best and highest self. Not with silence or criticism or ultimatums, but with acts of imagination and love. No matter how deep your disillusionment, it is the only way. You must create the queen.

The power is within you . . .

Click Here Now To Learn How.

(Adapted from Brian Ward’s Third Way Man)