Toward the end of Tombstone, one of my favorite movies, Wyatt Earp tells his long-time trusted friend, Doc Holiday, that he just wants to live a “normal life.” The doc’s response has resonated with me for years. His answer pierces the façade that society and civilization try to sell each of us.
“There is no such thing as a normal life. There is just life,” Said Doc Holiday.
In my 20+ years of medical practice, and almost 30 years of marriage and family, I have come to realize that the wisdom shared by this young tuberculosis infected physician was correct. What most people mean by a “normal life” is actually a calm, even, unchallenged life with neither great victories or disappointing defeats. This “normality” has a very seductive charm. A life that lacks pains, frights and failures is often dreamed of by the masses and is often portrayed on the big screen. And, in that portrayal, it emphasizes the want of challenge, opportunity and the delight of victory.
Yet, such a “normal life” is simply non-existent. Disruptions, explosions, setbacks, failures combined with celebrations and victories small and large are all part of life. The individual or family that mistakenly believes there is some way to play it safe, some private sanctuary where they can insulate themselves, has failed to take into account the mortality of an aging body, the prevalence’s of cancer, and the imperfect genetic codes we inherited. We fail to consider global financial collapse, war, and the sins and failings of a civilization of humans, each having their own moral agency. That is life. That is “real” life. We live within a test-tube of filth, mire and ever changing chaos.
We even fail to recognize the destruction that good things bring to a “normal life.” Consider an infant. The newborn baby has no respect for “normalcy.” As wonderful as the newborn child is, they seem intent on creating chaos around themselves until their needs are met, destroying the “normal” peaceful life and sleep of it’s parents.
Life Is Life
Life is life. In fact, life frequently sucks, and then we die. However, in between, there are some really joyful and momentous events that make living in this test-tube of filth and mire worth the struggle. This life was never meant to be lollipops, roses and sunshine. Days are hard, Relationships are hard. If they aren’t hard, you’re not growing. (That’s not to say abuse should ever be tolerated).
Take a relationship like marriage. Relationships are made, they don’t just happen. They are made and grow as two people strive for many of the same goals. The problem is most people don’t communicate their expectations, and frequently don’t even know what their expectations from a relationship actually are. Most people are afraid of commitment because they expect that the relationship should provide sunshine on the other side of the wedding ring and yet are shocked when that sunshine leaves a sunburn. Not knowing what their expectations should be, they leave when they don’t feel frequent pleasure and happiness.
The “normal” happy life is a façade. Most people raised on participation trophies misunderstand that the paradox of life is seeking pleasure from a relationship or a job first. That’s the most effective way of missing it. Lasting joy in life, a job, a relationship or a family occurs when one seeks that joy outside of one’s self, daily directing one’s focus on the principle of filling your life with purpose.
So, shall we call Doc Holiday prophetic? I don’t think he was a prophet, but, as a physician suffering from a chronic disease that would eventually end his life, he was correct in his assessment of life in general. The determination to create and cling to a “normal life” will result in frustration, cynicism and even bitterness because it cannot be done. In Doc Holiday’s experience, the brave doctor contracts a terminal illness like tuberculosis in his attempt to help others. The disruptions of “normalcy,” even the good ones, that affect us day to day become obstacles to the “normal.” This can cause resentment of the irritable baby, the spouse, the job, the co-worker, the daily routine and even those we desire to help.
The disruption may become such an obstacle to the facade of normal that a parent, for example, may resent the baby. Seeing that a baby, one of the most noble things a mother can bring into this world, can disrupt and even threaten the ease of someone’s “normal” life, the noble disruption may even lead one to consider aborting it. Society today worships at the alter of “normal.” Hence, the pursuit of the myth of the “normal life” actually allows the horrific to become normal.
Is there an antidote? There is. Life should be meaningful. Life should be purposeful. What brings meaning and purpose in a test-tube of mire and struggle?
All the Things We Experience Make Life Better
The Apostle Paul, in his letters to the Roman saints, gives the most expansive, all-encompassing statement about life in all of the religion and philosophy that I’ve ever read. “All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
All things, . . . not just the good stuff -not just the easy, normal stuff work for our good. It is the combination of good and bad that make this life meaningful. Seeing the meaning in your life takes an antidote against the cynicism and and bitter taste that the bad often leaves behind.
The antidote comes in a few steps:
Improve your health
As a doctor, I’m a huge advocate of improving your health which plays a dramatic role in happiness. Losing as little as 10 lbs has been shown to improve energy, decrease your risk for major disease, improve sleep, improve sex life, and decrease inflammation. Improvements in any of those areas will reduce stress and anxiety and increase happiness so you can imagine while improvements in ALL of these areas could dramatically change your life.
As an advocate of the ketogenic lifestyle, I’ve found that the majority of my patients are able to lose 5-15 lbs each month for the first three months using this approach. They average 2-5 lbs pf weight reduction each month there-after while following a ketogenic approach over the long term. Understanding that this is one of the long term keys to success in happiness I want to make sure you know that I’ve developed some custom strategies to help with this and will share them with you below. This lifestyle decreases risk for diabetes by 75%, improves mental clarity, and slows the aging process. (Who wouldn’t want those side effects while eating bacon?)
Use food as an antidote
A number of studies have demonstrated that a ketogenic diet increases gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), a key neuro-hormone signaling satiety and pleasure, in the brain. GABA increases sensations of happiness and euphoria. (Yes, this is why eating bacon makes you and I happier. It’s probably why the thought of bacon in the video above made you smile.) Shifting into a ketogenic state at least periodically has the effect of increasing your sense of happiness throughout the day. It is actually the ketone that does this. Whether you get into ketosis through diet alone, or through the use of exogenous ketones, both methods are effective in aiding you in your quest for happiness.
Savor daily experiences and record them
Savor the daily experiences. We live our lives at such a high speed, we often neglect to take time to enjoy the experiences around us. A trip to down town Amarillo, Texas, a few years ago brought me to the front doors of a restaurant that served cream-cheese & sausage stuffed, bacon wrapped, jalapenos (try saying that 5 times fast). I had a bit of time and decided to try them. It was the first time in 3-4 days that I actually had the chance to slow down and savor the place around me, the flavors of the food, and the atmosphere of the restaurant.
Just taking a bit of time to savor these things made this experience a very memorable and happy experience that to this day I have not forgotten.
Take 3-5 minutes today to just think about where you are. Savor the smell of a rose, the color of the sky, the shape of the clouds or the sight of a bird. These sensory images can, and will, leave indelible memories and release dopamine and serotonin naturally in the brain. Savoring the daily experiences of life can be part of the process of meditation we will talk about below.
Volunteer
Doc Holiday could have groveled in the sadness of his illness and pain. But, instead, he risked his life to save the life of Wyatt Earp in Texas. Then, in 1879, he joined Earp in Las Vegas, New Mexico and then rode with him to Prescott, Arizona, and then to Tombstone. In Tombstone, local members of the outlaw Cochise County Cowboys repeatedly threatened Doc Holiday and spread rumors that he had robbed a stage. On October 26, 1881, Holiday was deputized by Tombstone city marshal Virgil Earp. The lawmen attempted to disarm five members of the Cowboys near the O.K. Corral on the west side of town, which resulted in the famous 30-second shootout, and the legendary stories and movie Tombstone.
Get involved and volunteer in meaningful activities around your neighborhood, church & community. Research shows that voluntarily giving of time increases happiness in the giver. It also allows one to see, participate with and help those around you who may be less fortunate. Volunteering your time and energy regularly increases your gratitude we will discuss further below.
Express gratitude
Expressing gratitude daily has been shown to dramatically increase your sense of well-being and happiness. Expressing gratitude requires awareness. It requires you to take inventory of everything around you (something you will already be doing if you are savoring your daily experiences). Gratitude can be expressed in a journal, through prayer & meditation, or directly to those around you. However, expressing gratitude requires effort.
In the Judaeo-Christian view, expressing gratitude is actually a method of expressing faith. The 17th chapter of Luke holds a biblical example of this concept. When the leper returned to express his thanks to Jesus Christ for being healed, he wasn’t told “Your gratitude made you whole.” Christ told him, “Thy faith hath made thee whole.” He implied that the act of expressing gratitude is a demonstration of faith, a necessary and essential process in human development.
Recognize personal value
I’m not talking about your bank statement or personal financial statement. I’m talking about recognizing the value of your soul. The only successful non-medication based program to help people overcome addiction is the 12-Step Program through Alcoholics Anonymous. The essential second step of the twelve is recognition that a power greater than ours is involved in our lives. Whether, you believe in God or a greater universal power, recognition of your value is an essential perspective to gaining happiness. This has been demonstrated thousands of times through the 12-Step Programs.
Often, the feeling we have of our personal worth is based on the love and interest we receive from those around us. Yet, this love is sometimes lacking. The love of men is often imperfect, incomplete, or selfish. What if you looked at yourself with the same benevolence, love, and confidence that God does? Imagine the impact it would have on your life to understand your eternal potential as God understands it. If you could view yourself through His eyes, what influence would that have on your life? Recognition of this principle is essential to making any lasting change.
Look for the growth in who you are
The celebrated Greek poet, Pindar, said, “Become who you are.” This is confusingly paradoxical. How does one become who they already are?
Many of the younger generation grew up to the sounds and images of The Lion King. You probably remember the scene where Simba receives a visit from his father, Mufasa, the deceased king. After his father died, Simba fled from the kingdom because the guilt he felt about his father’s death. He wanted to escape his responsibility as heir to the throne.
His father appears to him and warns him: “You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life.” Then this invitation is repeated several times: “Remember who you are. … Remember who you are.”
Simba, completely shaken by this experience, decides to accept his destiny. He confides in his friend, the shaman monkey, that it “looks like the winds are changing.”
The monkey replies, “Change is good.”
And Simba says: “But it’s not easy. I know what I have to do. But going back means I’ll have to face my past. I’ve been running from it for so long.”
Recognizing and accepting our past for what it was brings happiness. Hiding or running from our past prevents us from experiencing true joy.
Meditate
Meditation and prayer have been shown to actually change areas of the brain that relate to stress management and mood regulation. People who meditate regularly over long periods of time have better ability to find and maintain positive states like joy and compassion. Richard Davidson and his colleagues found that meditation increases brain activity in areas related to happiness as well.
The ability for a person to access the subconscious mind and to address aberrant thinking errors attached to powerful emotions confers advantages that cannot be acquired through any other medical medium. Wholeness of the mind, body and spirit are ultimately the goal. Meditation & hypnotherapy change fragmented, unhappy people into integrated, happy people by simply helping people to identify and repair the broken subconscious thought patterns that can occur in all of our day to day lives. Check out Dr. Nally’s information on mind-body medicine here.
Improve the quality of your relationships
Happiness has been linked to quality relationships as well. Robert Wallinger, psychiatrist at Harvard University, conducted a 75 year multi-generational study on happiness. He found that the quality of the relationships was powerfully connected to happiness. Lonely people were less happy and had poorer health. People with higher-quality relationship or social ties were the happiest.
However, it wasn’t just having a relationship, but having one with a stable and consistently caring person that made the difference. Having lots of acquaintances or being in a relationship with an unreliable or abusive partner did not make people happier. Amazingly, listening (savoring shared experiences) and complimenting (expressing gratitude) improve the quality of relationships. (
Don’t know where to start? Start by sharing some bacon . . .
Allow others to help
I know you are probably familiar with the phrase “it is better to give than receive,” but did you know there is evidence to support the reverse mantra is also true? Happiness also comes from allowing others to help. Think about it. When you are helping others, especially when they appreciate it, you feel happiness or joy. Others experience those same feelings when they are able to help you. Think of a child that wants to make you a meal. No matter what it looks like when it gets to you, you smile and feel happy at the effort, the child smiles back proud at their success. There is happiness in giving and receiving.
So today’s your chance to receive. As a doctor, I find myself shying away from sharing this information with you directly because I never want anyone to feel like my efforts are about me. I’ve spent years learning and understanding the benefits of a Ketogenic lifestyle and spent additional years researching products that work and my local patients are experiencing tremendous results! A friend told me that not sharing this information with people directly was actually being selfish. (Ouch!) “When you know someone has a problem that you can solve, shouldn’t you share it and then let them make their own decisions?”
Although that was painful to hear, it helped me commit to being more direct about how I can help all of you to feel better. If you are ready to change the way you feel and want to live a happier, healthier life, the time is NOW. Put these 10 steps in action, click the link and get a copy of my diet. Then, enjoy the benefits of a Ketogenic or Carnivorous Lifestyle.
If you want to know more about what I do, keep reading my blog, join my weekly newsletter by signing up below. Then, watch my videos every week on YouTube and listen to my Podcast giving you free tips and tricks to stay healthier. I even developed my own line of vitamins and supplements specifically for myself and my patients. If you know you are ready for a change, and you want to see how I can help, check out the variety of Ketogenic programs I offer to help you find the meaning in your life.