Some of you are doing well. Some of you aren’t. There is a twisted part of some of you that actually like this “shut-down.” Because, you’ve been in a mental/emotional shut down for years. The pain of past failures punched holes in your heart. You feel it and re-experience it when you try. Your family sees it (they just don’t say anything). Your friends see it. But, they are tactful and just smile.
With each failure, you lowered the fence. With each betrayal, you widened the moat around your soul.
And now, life has caught up to you.
Part of you wants to double down and float corpse-like in the misery of the past. Quarantine is an easy excuse to kill the last spark of your ambition, binge on Netflix and pop bon-bons on the couch.
But, COVID-19 just kicked over the game-board. Life’s dice have just been changed.
Pull back the curtain of chaos around your life and the life of your family. Realize that you actually set the rules.
The Eight Rules
There are eight rules that, if applied, will stabilize you and your family. And, if you teach them to your children, you will solidify a generation.
Give your life and your children some structure.
We as humans have always needed guard rails, or banisters, especially the little humans. A simple list of the top three things you and your children need to do today will make the day go so much smoother. Start at the top and go to work. You don’t have to accomplish all three, but, just knowing the three most important things to accomplish today, gives you and your ” miniature carbon copies” satisfying direction. If you don’t finish number 2 or 3, then put them on the top of the list tomorrow.
Delayed gratification is your true best friend.
This is a perfect time to place strategic rewards on pleasurable activities. I realize that spending the day in your pajamas watching TV, Netflix binge’ng, or playing video games can be very easy. These activities are fine after the structure has been addressed. Clean your room, then reward yourself with a video game. Fold the laundry, then surf the internet. Mow the lawn, then watch Netflix. Pay the bills, then reward yourself.
People, grown and those still growing, always respond better and gain self-confidence when experiencing delayed gratification.
Teach your family the how and why of working together.
Yes, the shutdown causes problems. But, make lemon-aid out of lemons. Teach your family to cook, plan and make meals together (I know a great book with 60 wonderful ketogenic recipes). Young children can clean up, feed the dog, take out the garbage and even do their own laundry.
My wife had our children doing their own laundry at seven years old. Umm, yes, they actually can, and are capable of some complex chores at that age. Anyone that can “Call of Duty,” “Super-Mario” or dress a Barbie can sort clothes and turn on a washing machine. This is a perfect time to teach them and supervise.
Exercise as a family.
Daily family walks, runs, or weight lifting (body-weight exercises if you don’t have weights) will shake out the cobwebs. Teach your kids great health habits and you fatigue them for bedtime sooner in the process.
Tell your children stories.
Share stories around the dinner table of your adventures, successes and failures. They want to hear the how and why, it is educational for them and it is therapeutic for you. Read to your kids before bed. We worked through the entire Narnia series over a couple years and my kids still talk about it.
Or, better yet, tell them a bedtime story. The crazier the better. You will never regret it, and it will be some of the most memorable things your family may experience.
Find a project that you and they can tackle.
My daughter loves to collect Medieval swords and loves to sword-fight (Probably because of the bedtime stories we read.) We had this collection of swords that was hard to keep in a closet. So, we made a wooden sword rack together. My daughter found that she “loves to build stuff,” and this brought out a creative side of her that my wife and I had never seen.
Carve out some adult time.
You need time for yourself. You also need time with your spouse. Kids need to see that adults need some time for themselves.
I can still remember the time when my daughter called me at work in tears. When I asked what was wrong, she told me, “Mom put herself in time-out, she locked herself in the bedroom and she won’t come out.”
My wife was homeschooling the kids, it had been a difficult year and didn’t give herself time to regroup. She was frazzled. To this day, my grown children and I have learned that each of us needs some personal time. Or, we end up putting ourselves in “time-out.”
Learn and teach your family independence.
If your family, your spouse, or those you are responsible for come to you with every little unmet need and want, this quarantine is going to feel like it “lasts for years!” Train your family, and yourself, up front what they can do for themselves. And, teach them how to decide when they can do it on their own. Help them be independent. Tears and whining will probably occur, initially (probably, from your husband the most.) But, it is our job to take completely dependent infants and turn them into independent self-starting adults within 18 years.
So, dream big, take your white knuckles off the steering wheel, pull over and re-imagine your life. These eight rules are the alchemy of the soul.