Not all of us have access to effective sedatives . . . So, for the rest of us in the real world Here are 7 ways to deal with annoying in-laws and family during the Holidays:

Manage your expectations. Setting realistic expectations is the key to not getting frustrated or angry with your partner’s family. It’s inevitable that there will be differences and disagreements, but don’t try to change them or assume that things will be different this year. Instead, strive to find some common ground. It is ok to disagree, but don’t focus on differences, focus on the common ground.
Make it a team effort. Include your in-laws in the planning. Ultimately, everyone wants to feel important and included. A team effort makes every family member feel like an essential part of the meal or party. If someone doesn’t like to cook or bake, have him or her bring something to drink, flowers, a game or the plates and napkins. People get along when they feel listened to and included.
Recognize it for what it is: a control issue. Seriously, it’s about control. Often we take comments from our in-laws personally, especially if it’s about something important to us, like our marriage, parenting style or work situation. Keep this in perspective: Your in-laws’ comments aren’t about you; they’re a reflection of them. Usually the most prickly issues are about who will have the most influence and control. Parents are fearful of losing total control over their child. They also don’t like to acknowledge that they are getting older themselves — and losing some of their power. When you recognize this, you can ask for input or advice, making them feel less out of control in the relationship.
Respect differences. You can’t change anyone’s behavior or opinion, so be a role model and show respect for everyone’s point of view. If there’s a topic that creates too much conflict — like politics or religion or food — steer clear of it. You don’t have to accept your in-laws’ opinions, just respect them and listen politely.
Set emotional boundaries. Don’t spill your guts about everything in your life, and establish limits around what you ask others — and how much you’re willing to shape-shift to accommodate them. Most of us want to be accepted and liked, especially by our in-laws, and sometimes we do and do and do for them at our own expense. Shape-shifting and attempting to conform is physically and mentally exhausting. Boundaries are what you will and will not do. You and your spouse should decide together what the boundaries are in your own family. For example, if you value your kids’ early bedtimes, you may not attend evening events, even if it’s your sister-in-law’s birthday.
Enlist your partner’s help. If you’ve tried to communicate directly with your in-laws but there’s too much tension and conflict, it might be time to ask your spouse to step in. He might have to talk to them alone or come to your rescue when you’re in their company. This may not be easy for him, because parents tend to push our buttons. He might have to say, for instance, “Mom, this is how my wife feels about this issue. Please respect her. It’s important to me that you two get along.” Always focus on maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse as the number one priority. You two are a team and should act as a united front when addressing issues with each other’s parents.
Always Be Kind. Your kids are always watching and listening, so it’s important to value kindness in all your interactions with family members and extended family. Extend kind greetings to your in-laws and speak in a respectful tone at all times, even if you don’t feel like they do the same to you. No one wins if you try to treat others like they treat you.

I saw a man selling poppies stop a lady and ask if he could re-position her poppy. While doing so, he reminded her that World War I ended on the 11^th day of the 11^th month at the 11^th hour in 1918. He told her that the poppy should be worn on the right side, the red representing the blood of all those who gave their lives, the black representing the mourning of those who did not have their loved ones return home, and the green leaf representing the grass and crops growing and the future prosperity after the war destroyed so much.

The leaf should be positioned at 11 o’clock to represent the 11^th hour of the 11^th day of the 11^th month, the time that World War I formally ended.

He expressed his worry that younger generations wouldn’t understand this meaning and that his generation would not be around long enough to teach them.

For those that do not know, the 11^th day of the 11^th month is Veteran’s Day.

I was told this story in the first years of my practice by a World War I Veteran patient of mine who has since passed away. It was shared again with me today by another noble Veteran of the Vietnam War. I realized that my children probably don’t understand the meaning of the poppy. So, I’ve recorded it here for you and for them.

Today, U.S. citizens honor all U.S. servicemembers on Veterans Day, November 11, but in many other parts of the world, the day is known as Remembrance Day, a day set aside to remember military personnel who have lost their lives in war. Established by King George V in 1919, Remembrance Day evolved out of Armistice Day, which marked the end of hostilities in World War I in 1918.

After WWII, the day was renamed “Remembrance Day,” although Armistice Day is still celebrated on the same day. In the United Kingdom, Canada, France, South Africa, the U.S., Bermuda, Ireland, New Zealand, and Australia, citizens pause at observe one or two moments of silence at 11 a.m. to remember the fallen. The United States rebranded its November 11th celebration after the Korean War to honor all U.S. veterans, living and dead.

In the spirit of Remembrance Day and Veteran’s Day worldwide, many wear a simple red poppy on the lapel, reminiscent of the red poppies (the annual herbaceous species of flowering plant papaver rhoeas) that were among the first plants to bloom in the devastated battlefields of northern France and Belgium.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders Fields, the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie,

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

This poem was written by Canadian physician Lieutenant-Colonel John McCrae. He was inspired to write it on May 3, 1915, after presiding over the funeral of friend and fellow soldier Lieutenant Alexis Helmer, who died in the Second Battle of Ypres.

Inspired by McCrae’s poem, American professor Moina Michael penned her response to the poem in 1918.

We Shall Keep the Faith

Oh! you who sleep in Flanders Fields,
Sleep sweet – to rise anew!
We caught the torch you threw
And holding high, we keep the Faith
With All who died.

We cherish, too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led;
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies,
But lends a lustre to the red
Of the flower that blooms above the dead
In Flanders Fields.

And now the Torch and Poppy Red
We wear in honor of our dead.
Fear not that ye have died for naught;
We’ll teach the lesson that ye wrought
In Flanders Fields.

Today the red poppy remains a popular outward sign of remembrance in November.

In 2014, a major art installation called Poppies: Wave and Weeping Window was unveiled at the Tower of London, displaying 888,246 ceramic poppies, each honoring a member of the British and Colonial forces who died during the Great War. This is something to behold and is quite breathtaking.

In the United States, on Memorial Day and Veterans Day (also known as Poppy Days), millions of red crepe paper poppies – all handmade by veterans as part of their therapeutic rehabilitation – are distributed across the country by the American Legion in exchange for donations that go directly to assist disabled and hospitalized veterans.

The poppy becomes a powerful symbol of the individual who sacrificed for you and I. Only through this form of artful remembrance can we pass this meaning on to our children.

The red poppy is a simple way to show support those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in defending freedom across the globe. When you see a poppy this week, remember those that have sacrificed for our freedoms. If you want to do more, consider donating to or becoming a part of the Wounded Warrior Project. Veterans Day is a day to honor and celebrate the heroes who risked their lives to protect us.

While we can never repay injured warriors for their extraordinary sacrifices, we can show our gratitude by giving them the crucial support they need.